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Make Your Own

Here’s how to go about creating a (comma) bitch:

Step 1: Select an Image

Preferably you will take a photograph of a sign, note, packaging, or other item with some text with which you want to modify. It’s best to take your own photograph so you aren’t violating someone else’s copyright.

Step 2: Photoshop

Your goal now is to Photoshop (or use some other program) the image and add “, bitch” to the end of whichever statement is appropriate. The goal here is to make it look mostly realistic.

  1. If necessary, use selection tools, healing brushes, and clone stamps, to move the existing text. This is especially important if the text you are adding to is center justified.
  2. Add the new text:
    • If the surrounding text is typed: Use the type tool in as close a typeface as you can get, type “, bitch”
    • If the surrounding text is handwritten: Handwrite “, bitch” on a piece of white paper using a writing instrument similar to that which was used for the original text. Take a photo of this paper, upload into Photoshop, and cut out the background.
  3. Use the various transform tools to get the type to approximate the same perspectives as the existing type. You may need to rasterize the type (if you used the type tool) at this point to get it right
  4. Using the clone stamp, pattern, or solid colors make the color of your new text the same as the surrounding text
  5. Final touches: It may be necessary to use the liquefy filter, Gaussian blur, or other filters to make the new text fit in with the surrounding text

    6. Step 3: Resize, Save, Upload

    I’d prefer you didn’t send me a file the size of Mt. Illimani (Bolivia’s 2nd highest mountain), so shrink that thing down to 1024xSomething. Save it. And use this upload form to send it to me.

    Step 4: Wait Patiently

    At this point, I’m able to keep up with what people are sending in, so I’ll let you know right away if I’m going to publish your image (with credits, of course). I’ll also let you know if I’m not going to and why (extreme vulgarity, violence, nudity, trademark or copyright violations, and very poor quality are all very good reasons). Unfortunately, posts are scheduled ahead of time, so I can’t let you know when it will be published.

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